he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
