So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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