Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
