yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
