i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
