she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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