So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
false alarm, still single
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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