Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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