Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
