How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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