Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
