Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
