You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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