So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
