Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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