Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
