puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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