he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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