I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
