I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
