I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
