Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
