I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
