the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
