just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
