I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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