I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
