I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
