Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
