I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
