covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
