can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
