Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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