3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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