This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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