Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
is that a dick in a sweater?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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