I think I died a long time ago.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
