I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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