Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize