im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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