is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
