its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
