we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
