Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
