so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
