Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
