If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
