i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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