i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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