i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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