Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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