That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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