That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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