Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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