You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize