My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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