Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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