You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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