he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
