i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
