you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
