the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
