I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
