You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
