yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
