My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
