oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have tasted many bathrooms
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
