My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
