I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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