Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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