very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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