i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
