So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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