wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize